February is over. The leap season has come and gone.
And quickly.
Some might say "with a leap"; see what I did there...
Quite a few things have transpired and lessons have been learned.
But there's one that sticks out the most:
About a month ago at a hockey game I met a boy. I'll change his name to Will.
Will startred a conversation with me at the beginning of the second period and it went really well; he was funny, interesting, attractive, and non-sketchy. The game ended.
He asked me what I was doing afterwards.
I said I was going home.
He asked for my number.
I said no.
Will sat back down and said, "How about I give you my number and you can let me know when you're in town? This way, the ball is in your court." I agreed and texted him a few days later.
Will is in the military and was out of town for the next 3 weeks so we agreed that Feb 24 would work for both of us.
Over the next three weeks, Will would text me when he could and we decided that each of us a bringing a friend to "the date" would be a good idea since we hadn't seen each other in so long. So after three weeks of waiting, the night finally came around. Will, being so creative (please note the sarcasm), decided that bar hopping would be a fun time, even after I informed him that I don't drink.
Should have been my first hint that this wasn't going to be great.
So we agreed on 8:30pm. That's when my friend and I got to the bar and let Will know we were there. He said they were walking out the door.
Now, this specific bar was chosen due to its convenient location to Will and his friend. They lived 2 blocks away so it wouldn't take long to get there.
An hour later...
I texted Will, "We're leaving."
His response, "Sorry, my friend decided he didn't want to go out. Sorry. Text me lata."
SERIOUSLY?!
I had been stood up.
I had been stood up.
I tried calling him twice so he could explain himself or at least verbally apologize, but he just ignored the calls and said "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."
So my emotions just went crazy; not like "I'm going to stalk you and slash your tires" crazy. But more like "I have a million questions" crazy.
Why didn't you show up? Did you come in, see me and walk back out? Why did you wait an hour to tell me anything? If I hadn't texted you, how long would have let me wait? Did I say something? do something? What was it about me that made you decide that I wasn't worth showing up? What changed? and When?
Just a million questions.
And then I began to see how it was affecting my self esteem. It took me two days to cry and get over it. I realized that for a few moments, I put my worth in what Will thought of me. I gave him that power over me. I forgot that whether or not he thought I was beautiful didn't matter, because God made me. Which makes me beautiful.
Period.
People could tell me 'til they're blue in the face that it is Will's loss (which it is), and that's he's stupid (which he is) and that he has no idea what he's missed (which he doesn't).
But until I remembered that God made me and loves me no matter what Will or any man thinks, they were just words.
My value is not determined by any man. No earthly thing. No bad date.
My value is in the Lord.
Lesson learned.
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
Ephesians 3:17b-19
