Anticipation.

I can feel it.
Beyond my bones.
I can feel it in my spirit; the Friday before Spring Break is finally upon us!
Sarah and I will be heading to New York City in 11 hours.
I have not a thing packed and laundry to do.
Not only am I packing for New York, but also for the week of Break, and to move out of my apartment. A lot of packing.
But nothing's going to bring me down. I'm SOOOOOOO excited!
I just know things are going to be a bunch of fun. And we're going to go to the Hillsong church on Easter; what a special treat!


Things at school are starting to get crazy. The kids are restless to say the least and they're fighting more often. The teachers have told me that after SB things go downhill quickly. I'm trying to stay upbeat and positive about what the weeks after SB may hold, but from what I've seen this week...oh, golly.
Softball practice yesterday was a lot of fun. We were able to get on the real field and it was so great for the girls.  Since a lot of them don't have sport experience, we were able to run plays and talk about why we make the plays we make.  Getting the opportunity to actually discuss why we do things was super educational and will help improve our playing. Which of course would be great!
It's not even about winning, it's just about getting better and having fun. Sometimes they have too much fun and don't learn anything, which means losing games at a larger margin than before.  I've just got to keep positive, because I know they pick up on that.  They're picking up on the some of my sayings (oh-em-gee, etc), so I know they're definitely taking on my outlook.
A precious gift from the Lord.

Achoo the Mouse

Can I just not hear it, because I don't want it?
Am I blind to Your way, because I want my own so badly?
I know in my heart that You, LORD, You are my first and deepest desire.
I know that.
With confidence.


You chose me while I was nothing.
Even before I was nothing if that's possible.
{Jeremiah 1:4}
There's nothing I can do, positive or negative, to make you think I'm not right for the part you have for me.
But I'm just not sure I'm seeing it.
Whatever it is.
Show me.


Is this my "Job moment"? or is this the time for me to move?
Reveal Your will to me.
I so desperately long for it.

Sheep Police

February is over. The leap season has come and gone.
And quickly.
Some might say "with a leap"; see what I did there...
Quite a few things have transpired and lessons have been learned.
But there's one that sticks out the most:

About a month ago at a hockey game I met a boy. I'll change his name to Will.
Will startred a conversation with me at the beginning of the second period and it went really well; he was funny, interesting, attractive, and non-sketchy. The game ended.
He asked me what I was doing afterwards.
I said I was going home.
He asked for my number.
I said no.
Will sat back down and said, "How about I give you my number and you can let me know when you're in town? This way, the ball is in your court." I agreed and texted him a few days later.
Will is in the military and was out of town for the next 3 weeks so we agreed that Feb 24 would work for both of us.
Over the next three weeks, Will would text me when he could and we decided that each of us a bringing a friend to "the date" would be a good idea since we hadn't seen each other in so long. So after three weeks of waiting, the night finally came around.  Will, being so creative (please note the sarcasm), decided that bar hopping would be a fun time, even after I informed him that I don't drink.
Should have been my first hint that this wasn't going to be great.
So we agreed on 8:30pm. That's when my friend and I got to the bar and let Will know we were there. He said they were walking out the door.
Now, this specific bar was chosen due to its convenient location to Will and his friend. They lived 2 blocks away so it wouldn't take long to get there.
An hour later...
I texted Will, "We're leaving."
His response, "Sorry, my friend decided he didn't want to go out. Sorry. Text me lata."
SERIOUSLY?!
I had been stood up.
I had been stood up.
I tried calling him twice so he could explain himself or at least verbally apologize, but he just ignored the calls and said "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

So my emotions just went crazy; not like "I'm going to stalk you and slash your tires" crazy. But more like "I have a million questions" crazy.
Why didn't you show up? Did you come in, see me and walk back out? Why did you wait an hour to tell me anything? If I hadn't texted you, how long would have let me wait? Did I say something? do something? What was it about me that made you decide that I wasn't worth showing up? What changed? and When?
Just a million questions.
And then I began to see how it was affecting my self esteem. It took me two days to cry and get over it. I realized that for a few moments, I put my worth in what Will thought of me. I gave him that power over me. I forgot that whether or not he thought I was beautiful didn't matter, because God made me. Which makes me beautiful.
Period.

People could tell me 'til they're blue in the face that it is Will's loss (which it is), and that's he's stupid (which he is) and that he has no idea what he's missed (which he doesn't).
But until I remembered that God made me and loves me no matter what Will or any man thinks, they were just words.
My value is not determined by any man. No earthly thing. No bad date.
My value is in the Lord.
Lesson learned.

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
Ephesians 3:17b-19

Gavin's words.

"I wanna be free.
Wind in my hair.
Salt on my skin.
Sun in the air.
I have to feel love holding on me."


I do. I just want to sit back and enjoy the view...sometimes.
Actively participating can be more fun, but much more mentally activating.


I've checked a box on the employment intent form. And I've sealed the envelope.
But it is still sitting in my desk.
Why can't I just send it in?
I know I want to be home. the sevenfiveseven.
By the beach where salt on my skin and wind in my hair isn't a planned event.
I've just been in Farmville too long. Being in one place (that isn't home) for too long is "settling". As a single woman, "settling" can be unsettling.  
{As contradictory as that is.}
And that's OK. I don't have to be settled.
Much the antithesis of all my thoughts as I peruse Pinterest.
Oh, that site....


But things are going well. School is going, which is great!
I've started to figure out how to use the apps on the iPads for review and games.
I can do this.
The Lord is my joy.


And I've recently developed an obsession with 2 things: Gavin DeGraw and Adele's version of "I Can't Make You Love Me"

The day I cleaned the pantry.

I have been fearless against the feared.
I have stood fast against the appalling.
My hands have touched that which makes grown men vomit.
I have cleaned the pantry.
Oh, the sweet feeling of accomplishment!
I was in the pantry from 7:27am til 2:30 pm, but it is super organized and clean; there's even 2 empty racks!
Let's see how long that will last.

Tis the season, but it's been a weird one. I feel like things have just been "weird" this year. Most likely due to my recent transition into "grown up life" aka the teaching job.
I'm enjoying the Christmas break a lot. Almost an alarming amount.
I've been in the "I don't want to teach" mood. It's more of a "I don't want to do the work to teach" mood.  I really enjoy teaching, but the work is exhausting.  Hopefully, it's just because it's my first year.
I've decided that for now, I will stay in Farmville and teach another year. Until the Lord moves me elsewhere, I will serve Him in the 434. And work on being joyful about it.

New Year's has the potential to be epic this year.  There's a large group of my favorites from college getting together: Adam, Anna, J, Krew, Jonathan & Caroline, K-diry & Courtney, Shanee & Grandin, Lee & Lauren, Megan, Kyle, Tyler, and possibly a few more. I'm extremely excited to see everyone. As much as I'd love to be dancing with my girls from high school, this will be beautiful. I'm hoping someone takes a ton of pictures! I miss everyone so much.

Time to enjoy the day the Lord has given me.

PS Kelly and Hoshua got engaged!!! Holy cow!

Oh la la.

I just discovered the world that is Pintrest.com
What a world of fun DIY crafts and ideas!!! There are a few I'm just super excited to try out :)
On other happenings...
Not much on the home front:

• school has a week and a half left
• went to Lynchburg yesterday
• in Richmond today
• ready to go home

I wish this were a little more exciting, but alas, I cannot remember all of the ventures I've had lately and my commitment to my blog has fallen to the waist side.  I just know things have been busy as per usual and I am really enjoying myself.

My dedication to the gym has grown, which makes me feel better all over.

I've been having better moments with the Lord; deeper, more intentional, more purposeful moments with Him. It's been a wonder to learn new things and be encouraged, challenged, and pushed to be more like Him.

Oh, how beautiful he is.

"The Chronicles of Narnia" has been on my metaphorical night stand for a bit and it is coming along quite smashingly.  CS Lewis is a magician when it comes to story telling; I've excitedly made it through "The Magician's Nephew" and "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe". Discovering the gospel through this tale has been a delight! I'm excited to keep reading.

Man Down. Woman Bitten.

"Gobble" is a funny word. I am not quite sure what about it I specifically find peculiar, but there's something...


Another Thanksgiving has passed and as we still enjoy the leftover green bean casserole (my favorite!) and desserts, we so bask in the warmth of love in the room.
Something happens to me when there's so many of my step family in the room. Much like the oddity of "gobble", I cannot put my finger on what it is; all I know is that I draw somewhat inwards.  It keeps me at a distance.
Maybe that's what I want.
Maybe I just don't know.
Whether extrovert or introvert, it was a delightful time of togetherness.


One of my favorite Thanksgiving regularities? Charlie Brown! That blockhead has a special place in my heart.
Sissy and I ventured out on our first Black Friday experience. Whoo and was it that: an experience! It was crazy for sure; Wal-Mart was borderline obscene.  The surprising thing was that the madness which drove people to forget themselves was not over major electronics, it was toys.  When the Tonka trucks were "released", it was chaos! There was hootin' and hollerin', people were shoved, pushed, and just plain man-handled.
While talking with some of the others in line at the camera counter (of which my waiting was in vain. I discovered the same camera for which I stool in line for the same price...online.) we were told that a woman had been bitten over a toy.
Seriously?! You are a small child.
How is your first reaction, or even any reaction at all to bite someone?!
Go home and get in your crate.
Absurd.
However, the upside is that Sissy got a great deal and Target was a much better adventure.  Although just as packed, it was much more organized and monitored which kept the violence to a minimum. 
Pleasingly executed, Target. Well done.  


Over the next few days as I rest up, I'm fixing to: get lesson plans done, tattoo in memory of Granny (6 months on Sunday), and set up a New York trip. 
Of course spending as much time at the gym and Starbucks as possible.
Let's hope all goes well.