Tuesday, November 10, 2015

True Humility.

"True humility is when a person realizes they don’t need to talk up their life, 
because they’re actually living it."

In a world of "mine is better than yours", gossip, and easy offense I am reminded that all of those are ways a life discontented tries to medicate itself.  
There is no sustaining self-satisfaction; there is a peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7) and allows us to live in true humility, living a life of abundance (Jn 10:10).

My life has been full...very full as of late.  In the best way possible.  Being active in the Kingdom of God isn't about "down time" or "taking it easy"; it's about getting things done. And as exciting as it has been it's about to get even crazier.
I leave for Sweden tomorrow.
and then Denmark.
and then Norway.
and then Sydney.

Friends, I don't mind telling you that to me packing is torture.  Especially this trip since I'll be flying into winter (or in my mind I'm calling it "super-winter") and then to summer.  A bipolar suitcase indeed. But it will get done. And something will be forgotten. I'm sure of it.

Please pray for travel mercies; airports are one of the few things that stress me out upon contact. 
Here's to living life, from sea to viking sea :)

Friday, October 9, 2015

"...even dragons have their endings."

"So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings." 
J.R.R. Tolkien 
The Hobbit

To say this last week was rough is an understatement.  In the past five days (so really not even a full week) I've had my character questioned, an event proposal turned down, didn't get the job I interviewed for, and had my heart broken.
It has been the worst week of my life.

After "losing" the job, which was an incredible opportunity at a health growing church, I could start to feel myself slip into depression.  I've never been depressed before, but I knew that's what it was.  The news came late Monday night and my thoughts went wild: "you should have stayed for third year.  Then you wouldn't have gone through this", "you're back to no prospects. You'll live with your parents forever", "you aren't good enough", "you did this wrong", "you did that wrong", etc.  It was awful. And I started to rationalise my depressed state, like it would have been totally understandable to everyone why I was so upset and since I've never been through anything like that it would have been "excused." I was going to let myself slip into depression.
But the next morning I woke up, went for a walk and decided differently.  As I was walking I was praying myself out of that victim mentality, completely saturating myself in Scripture.  I refused to go down without a fight; and fight I did. Victory came via God's Word and His Spirit.

Then on Wednesday, I decided to ask a man on a date.
And he said no.
There's a backstory that doesn't need retelling, but I was crushed.  Heartbroken. And some of you may be thinking "well at least he was honest", yes, I'm grateful. But it still sucked because I was hopeful...and in love. So it just sucked.
I cried the rest of Wednesday night, and Thursday was spent in bed either crying, staring into space, or asleep, and I just couldn't eat anything.   Unlike the day after the news about the job, this time I couldn't even pray; every time I opened my mouth I would start to cry. Every time.
I was devastated and felt depression rearing its ugly head.  I was so mentally exhausted I couldn't even stop my thoughts from going crazy.  This whole new level of disappointment made it even easier to excuse my inevitable comatose state.  I couldn't find the energy to get up out of bed much less declare war on Satan's attacks!

And then today. Friday.
I have been nothing short of astonished at the turn around I've had.  It was a major win when I was able to get out of bed this morning, eat breakfast and make it to my eye appointment without crying.  That was victory!  And then because it was the perfect summer day in October I went to the beach, which is always a good decision.  Then after the beach I made a new friend at the local Starbucks AND my softball team won both games.
Coach's daughter gave me this note during the game.
A message from the LORD? I think so.
Friday has been tearless and full of joy.  Which is wild to even comprehend considering where I was less than 24 hours ago.  Yes, I've had to switch the radio station a few times to avoid emotional (mostly country) songs and there's definitely been mental defence in play.
But it has been tearless.
Let me tell you how I think this happened:
"...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor ruler, nor things present nor things to come, not powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:37-39

Friends, to put it simply, I am sure that it is God's love for me that rescued me out of the depths of depression.  God tells us in Isaiah that His Word will not return void, it will accomplish what He desires (55:11) and He desires good good things for us.  The best, really.  That's why He sent Jesus.  Jesus is Heaven's best.  And I firmly believe that because I've been reading my Bible and getting Scripture in my heart His Word is in me.  
I will not return void.  
I will accomplish what He desires.

"Little children (believers, dear ones), you are of God and you belong to Him and have [already] overcome them [the agents of the antichrist]; because He who is in you is great than he (Satan) who is in the world."
1 John 4:4 (AMP)

I'm not foolish enough to believe there won't be work to do in the coming days and weeks, but I am child-like enough to believe that God has done a complete miracle in me!  

I had never seen darkness like I did on Thursday. I never thought I could feel so defeated.  But there I was, after so much disappointment in such a short period of time, I was defeated.
And for a small moment I thought "OK. Satan got me. Now he'll take a break."
YEAH RIGHT!! 
If we fool ourselves into thinking Satan just wants to win a battle here and there then we have indeed fooled ourselves.  Satan is on a seek-and-destroy mission all the time!  Taking me out was not going to satiate him.  My advice for all of us when we go through these times that bring us to the point of giving up: we ain't got time for that.  Take some time to mourn and rally those prayer warriors around you (to whom I contribute a large part of my recovery), but keep it moving.
Pastor Bobbie says, "keep your face to the wind." Or as our good friend Zac Efron would say, "Get'cha head in the game".  

I'm honestly just astonished at the healing power of Christ and couldn't keep my gratitude or excitement to myself.  My prayer is that you would be some kind of encouraged by the revelation from my worst week ever and that your experiences would lead you into a deeper love of Christ.  God doesn't save His grace and healing for massive events; He is willing and able to intervene on our behalf anytime we call His name.  Demons run and flee at His name ("The Great I AM") so claim it, friend.  Claim it.  Even when your words fail you your heart will cry out.


Be encouraged.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Fiji time: No hurry. No worry.

Bula bula, friends!
Kendall and I are just back from Fiji and had the most amazing time.  It was really 5 days in absolute paradise.  A few days ago we were in bathing suits and now (back in Sydney) we're in beanies...I'm in denial.

I'm not sure I can adequately describe how amazing our holiday was.  I mean, yes, you can imagine how relaxing it was to be in Fiji on a small island of maybe 70 people.  But, at the risk of sounding super "spiro", God opened my eyes to the power of His residue. 
Seeing God in a new way is always the best part of any experience.
Always.

After arriving at our host's house, Coco and I walked to the local market to buy a few things (Fiji water, of course) and we came across what looked like a pick-up volleyball game across the street.  Naturally, both of us being volleyball enthusiasts we went to check it out.  Turns out it was the Nadi Championship team...so we sat on the bench and played with some local kids.  


We didn't get to speak to the players or play at all, but they invited us into their team huddle as we left.  They spoke in Fijian so we have no idea what was said except for one sentence that shocked us:
"We're going to pray in Fijian."

Yeah.
That's cool.

We didn't say a thing about us being Christian.  Neither one of us was wearing some lame "I love Jesus" shirt. And we weren't carrying our Bibles. And yet, they invited us in their circle and prayed.
There you go.
It was a beautiful surprise.

After that moment Coco and I decided we wouldn't be reserved about our relationships with Christ (i.e. reading the Bible in public, talking about Bible college, etc). The only reason we would have is to refrain from making anyone feel uncomfortable.  It wasn't much of a discussion at all; we were on the same page, we just needed to verbally confirm.  I believe that moment set us right in the middle of being a part of something extraordinary over the next 4 days.

The next morning we arrived our Beachcomber Island aka home for the rest of our trip.  Aesthetically the place is a dream: crystal clear water, light breeze, warm sunshine, beach bungalows, lush palm and coconut trees, etc.  Everything you expect to be on an island plus the added bonus of a Fijian welcome committee :) 

We were taken to our private bure, directed to our hammocks, changed into our bathing suits and headed to start working on our tans. 
That night we ruled the dance floor.  For a solid 10 minutes it was just Coco and I on the dance floor, but man, we owned the night!
We started every morning with personal time with God after watching the sunrise together.  


Every day we met new staff; we made a point to get to know them and remember their names.  The second day we were able to redo their chalkboard where they have the details about tours, spa treatments, and the day's activities.  It wasn't easy to read and we love to do typography stuff so it was a win-win.  While we were drawing a lot of the staff came up to us and talked to us.  I think it was really powerful for people to see something being done without anything in return; we weren't getting paid, no compensation, we just wanted to help.  We were invited to staff meeting the next morning! 
And then the coolest thing: as we were finishing up, two of the girls on staff were chatting in Fijian and then one (Sally) asked us, "Are you Bure 18?"  To which we responded "yes", and then she replied with a smile on her face, "you're Christians, aren't you?"
WHAT?! 
She had seen our Bibles and apparently mentioned it to some of her friends.
Amazing.
We didn't even say anything, she associated our actions with our beliefs.
THAT' is what it's about.
THAT is how people should recognise us (John 13:35).
I'm still blown away.
Sally showed us the island chapel and invited us to staff devotion...at 4am. Of course, we went.

Seemingly little things like that kept happening.  They're not little.  They're sweet. Sweet and potent.  Over the past 2 years I've been immersed in this amazing environment of Hillsong college: a spiritual epicentre, if you will.  But it's not normal or common.  
In a place known as "the party island" where people get drunk and things that consequentially follow, here were two young girls doing something different.
Being different.
Godly character always makes you stand out.

The people who became our friends are the highlight of my trip.
What God did for us, in us, between us is the highlight.
Everything else is just icing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My season here is coming to a close.  I leave in just over a month.  That gives me the collywobbles (it's a real word) on so many levels.  I'm not as much afraid as I am...wandering.  There's a lot of unknowns about going home, but what is known is foundational and will keep me moving forward.  For example, what I'll actually be doing is unknown, but I know I'm ruined for the ordinary so I won't settle into a life mundane.

So much has changed since being here. I'm so grateful for it all! But a few things have stayed the same in essence (i.e. certain wants and desires), but have changed in outworking.
And some things have just stayed the same.
Every way you put it, I'm not the same person I was when I came and there's still much to be done.

When I leave here I won't be uprooted; I will be replanted.  
Hillsong isn't the soil. 
I'm not rooted in Hillsong. 
Christ is the soil.
In Him I am rooted.

Change is coming...but I'll be chilling in denial/deliberate ignorance for a little bit longer :)

Friday, March 27, 2015

Did you have a nap today?

Sleep.
Rest.
It’s interesting how important it is to a good defence.  As I’m currently in a state of extreme sleepiness I better understand how sleep deprevation can be used as torture.
Don’t worry: I’m no where near torture status.
But it’s interesting, n'est pas?

In Psalm 4:8 David says "In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.“  Later in Psalm 23 he says, "He leads me by still waters...”  
Beautiful.

There’s so many great things about God: kindness, faithfulness, justice, everlasting love, and as I’ve come to discover, His gentle ways of preparing me for battle.
Have you ever noticed how much more difficult it is to make wise decisions when you’re tired or exhausted? 
No? 
Just me, I guess.

When I’m tired it’s harder for me to keep my ever-wandering mind from going down “rabbit trails” or spinning off to things that don’t need to be entertained. 
For example, before I got in the shower today I got a text from a friend.  A very simple, clear, no hidden meanings text.  I know all those things are true.  But while shampooing I couldn’t stop my mind from trying to find the hidden meaning and subtext of that simple message…oddly enough about a nap.  
I had to audibly tell myself to stop it.
And that’s just something simple.
Now take one of the lies floating around in my mind and it can be really dangerous territory.

Exhaustion, or weariness, is a passive weapon of the enemy.
I'm convinced.
A tired warrior is a weak warrior.

I believe David was very strategic about the order of his words in Psalm 23.  Notice how he first mentions lying by green pastures and still waters before walking through the darkest valley and evil. 
He knew. 
David understood the importance of being rested.

We should emphasise more about why rest is important for us, beyond being still with God (which itself is an amazing reason).   Rest is a defence mechanism God knows we’ll most likely ignore or try to “push through” when it can really serve us well.
Hello. Hence the Sabbath.

"The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." Mark 2:27


So friends, as you go throughout this week and schedule meetings, coffee dates, workouts, etc, don't forget to block out time for rest.  you need it.  your friends need you to have it. and as far as the Bible is concerned, it's not up for discussion.



Shalom.
 

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

'Tis the [watermelon] Season!

Hello, friends!
Tidings of comfort and joy to you.

A lot has been going on pre, during, and post holiday season.  The biggest thing was my sister's visit! There's plenty to talk about my I'll highlight my favourite (now) memories:

Lex coming to visit for Christmas was so special.  We did so much while she was here; it was really fun living as a tourist.  We started things off with going up to Mt Coolum, Queensland to visit the Australia Zoo aka the Crocodile Hunter's Zoo.
A few weeks before we found this amazing family on Airbnb.  We had so much fun and felt so welcome even though we were with them less than 2 days.  From there we went to the zoo and had a blast! It was quite warm, but not unbearable.
We pet kangaroos.
We held a koala (Ellen).
Lex won an animal imitation contest.
And saw so many native Aussie animals (cassowaries, dingos, etc)


  
     

our Mt Coolum family!

















Then we came back and started living the dream in Sydney!
We went to beaches (Manly, Maroubra and Coogee) and swam in some of Australia's beautiful water.  It's still very surreal to swim in crystal clear water, but it was even better to see her experience it.  Lex doesn't normally enjoy just chilling at the beach and relaxing, but she did a great job and stuck it out for my sake :)

Then we had Christmas, which was so special.  I had to work from 11-5 so we woke up early-ish and Lex made us french toast which we ate while watching our favourite Christmas movie, Muppet Christmas Carol.  I went to work and when I came home she made us Spaghetti Bolognese for dinner while we watched some Disney Christmas short films. 
It was really special.  A Christmas day to remember for sure :) 
 
For the rest of the (too short) time, we hit the Sydney hot spots: Opera House, Harbour Bridge, Botanical Gardens, aquarium, Madame Toussaud's, etc.
 

The grand finale of the trip was a dessert night up in the 360 Bar, a rotating restaurant in the tallest building in Sydney.  We got dressed up in some new attire (her dress and my shoes) and had a really sweet time together.  We chatted about life, played some silly memory games, and reminisced over the dream we had been living the past 13 days.  She's really quite special; so smart, incredibly capable, hilariously adorable, and an all around babe.


Sissy, I know you'll read this so this bit is especially for you:
You are incredible! 
I'm convinced that if you actually realised how extraordinarily talented and gifted you are you could do anything!  There's so much more to you than just random facts, corny jokes, medical knowledge, and cute stubby toes :) 
 Don't be afraid to learn new things; teachability is one of the greatest qualities anyone can have.  Being teachable doesn't mean you're dumb, it means your wise enough to keep learning :) 
Don't waste time "warming up" to people, new and old.  Just go for it!
Your spirit is too precious to keep from others.  
Keep telling "terrible" jokes and laughing at them; your laughter invites us in to your life.  It is warm, and sometimes all it takes to draw people out is a little warmth :)
You're a great big sister and I love you.
Sincerely.




I've now commenced my final semester at Hillsong and man, is it crazy.  It's crazy to think the end is near; not quite in sight, but approaching.  God has been so kind in reaffirming His timing and has wholly-whelmed me with His peace.  I'm taking it all in.  Keeping my eyes open.  Staying focused.  Being fully present where you are is something I don't think you can ever master, but I'm doing my best.  The next season, stage, job, opportunity, move, etc will come naturally whether I'm looking for it or not so why miss where I am now?!
Plus, there's still more of Australia to see before I leave!


Sunday, October 5, 2014

twenty-six.

{written on 13.09.14 but published late...typical}

Today's activities:
  • gym
  • Paddy's
  • FaceTime chats
  • quiet time
  • Pie Tin
  • assessments
  • Dove & Olive with the flatties
  • gifts
Today has been pretty spectacular!
Starting things off at the gym with some of my favorite people doing something I love (working out), was brilliant!  I knew I would be eating a lot of food so going to the gym had dual purposes today :)
My bomb trainers Jake (left) and Chris (right)

I was able to FaceTime with two of my lovelies from home which was a nice surprise and made home feel a little less far away. 

My flatmates took today to another level: Sabrina make me my favorite, red velvet cake! When I went downstairs first thing in the morning there were massive balloons and cards.  Although our days were a little crazy, the girls made time to take Hannah (my flatmate whose birthday was the 12th) and I out to dinner at Dove & Olive, a lovely little bar/restaurant in Surry Hills.  Feeling like a normal adult and not like a college student was first-rate! I'm still surprised how nice it was to be surrounded by a "typical" scene.  I love college and I love being in that environment--I don't take it for granted.  But it's easy to forget what it's like "outside" and being reminded of what "normal" is was refreshing in a way that makes me want to change what "normal" is.
I digress.


When all 7 of us were finally home and were looking for a movie to put in the girls shouted "PRESENTS" and gave Hannah and I certificates to spas!!! 
UNBELIEVABLE, RIGHT?!
They're incredible.
College students who don't have a constant supply or surplus of money yet they find a way to dote on us! I was honestly shocked and am so honored to do life with these bodacious babes!



I am humbled by the love and kindness I've experienced today.  It's actually so special to me that I get to share my birthday with so many amazing people! I wish I could adequately express how special everyone has made me feel via text, surprise visits, Facebook, emails, cards, notes, etc.   

Sunday, August 24, 2014

3 Guys & a Tambourine.

A few weeks ago one of my favorite bands came to Sydney: Hanson.
Hanson came to Sydney.
That's right--the "MMMBop" boys.



Not only was I luckily enough to see them, but I was able to go with the coolest kids! We had the best time even before the concert started.  But then the concert started.
AND IT WAS NEXT LEVEL!!!!

The whole thing was like being in this dream.  Such a beautiful dream.
Hanson has always been good and not the synthesized, over produced kind of sound that's kept a lot of "artists" in the studio.  Hanson is the kind of good that's natural, unforced, and real.  A few songs in they put down their instruments and did an a cappella tribute (with 3 key changes!) to the Bee Gees.
Flawless.
That's the moment I was convinced it was actually a dream.





Two days after the concert and I was still on cloud 9.  As I was journalling I realized part of what made it so brilliant: I had been waiting for 14 years for this concert!  Ever since "If Only" came out in 2001 I wanted to see them.  Fourteen years of anticipation does a lot for the whole concert experience.

Long story semi-short: if you get the chance to see Hanson, do it.



My 3rd round of Pentatonix is coming up this Wednesday--that'll be fun!

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God is with me.
God is with you.
He's weeping when we weep. Laughs when we laugh.  He experiences things with us, because He's relational and loves us.
What really takes His love to the next level and why He's so trustworthy (one a thousands of reasons) is because while He's with us, weeping, rejoicing, laughing, mourning, etc., He actually sees the big picture.  God knows the reason we're going through what we're going through and cares for us enough to not rob us of the opportunity of character development.

Romans 5:3-4 (ESV)
"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that 
suffering produces endurance, 
and endurance produces character, 
and character produces hope..."


I'll write something about that: suffering produces.
But for now I'm stuck on the idea of faith as another layer of skin as opposed to an article of clothing we put on when we need it.  Excited to develop that more...