Greetings 2018.

January 1.

I love the start of a new year.  Something about the notion of a fresh beginning can really breathe life into things.  So, as I sit here under a blanket, sipping a cup of coffee, still wearing my fuzzy pink socks, I want to appreciate 2017 and consider 2018.



TWO THOUSAND SEVENTEEN
When I think over the whole year it seems I remember so little of it, but I'm going to believe that I remember what I need most:

• I set new PRs in all but one race, and even won 1st place in my age bracket! Trust me, only one person was more surprised than I...thanks, Jess.
• I faced a decent amount of difficult decisions and personal rejection, but have learned the value of honest and clear communication.  People are incredible and deserve truth, even when it hurts to say/hear it.  The ability to communicate with truth and grace is a virtue of powerful consequence.
• I fell more in love with Jesus and the Church.  My home church gifted me a dream job.  They actioned their love and made a place for me; I'm so honored and amazed! And I'm so grateful for the opportunity to keep serving and building the Kingdom in my local.
• My sister and I explored ruled the Mediterranean together.  But most importantly I saw my sister learn about herself.  Self-discovery on the Mediterranean isn't as glamorous or as "tai chi" as it may sound, but it is nonetheless beautiful.  There were tears of frustration after "getting lost" for the twelfth time, followed by the deep breath of perspective when you realize being lost in Barcelona is still being in Barcelona.  And no matter where you are, what language is spoken, or what the exchange rate is, when you're hungry just spend the damn money.  Hangry ruins holidays.
• I danced more this year than any year in memory.  You don't rent a dance floor, YOU OWN IT (probably my new life motto).
• It is most worth investing in people and experiences

TWO THOUSAND EIGHTEEN 

I'm heading into 2018 not telling it what it should be, but rather letting it be and keeping a few things in mind:

• invest in the right people and the right experiences
• make your schedule reflect who you want to be and not what you need to do
• pray for Jesus to come back
• if you can write the word "pizzazz" elegantly in cursive in one swift motion then you can do pretty much anything

Here's to 2018!

Cheers!

The Truth About My Mom.

Mother's Day was Sunday and the world was full of loving wishes for mothers.  Social media was covered in photos of moms and their children in warm hugs, laughing together, maybe a vintage photo of mom captioned with kind words of how she has only grown in grace and beauty.
All fond memories.
There was a lot of appreciation and joy for moms.

But what about those who have a different story?

As sweet as Mother's Day is for a lot of people, some of us have a story that can't be told by a photo and its caption.  Some of us have stories that are complicated, much like our relationships with our mom.  Others have stories that don't exist, also much like their relationships with their mom.   While some are swimming in love and affection others are swimming in waters polluted by envy and sorrow.

The enemy (Satan) leaves no relationship untouched.

But that's not what this post is about.
This post isn't a "pity me" tale, but rather an honest confession of what God can do in the heart of a girl with a skewed view of mothers.
My goal isn't sympathy.  My goal and prayer is that compassion would grow in all of us, self included, and we would have eyes to see that no area in our lives is untouchable to God's miraculous works.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My parents got divorced when I was very little so I grew up in a household with my mom and sister; "the three musketeers" we deemed ourselves!  We were a unit and we were fine. It was my normal.   Age eight is my first memory of my mom being physically abusive.  Up until that point we had been disciplined with spankings and whatnot, but something suddenly switched and it was different.  Perhaps a little more about being angry than about teaching a lesson.
My mom would switch just like that (insert finger snap); she'd go from super kind to vengeful in milliseconds.  It was wild.  Even remembering it now there were no warnings, no way to duck and cover.  Her aggression wasn't daily, but when it's abuse I suppose it doesn't matter.  In spite of all of that we were a very tight knit unit.  We were her world and she was our devoted parent.  For years we didn't have a car and would have to walk everywhere! The grocery store, the bank, she would walk to work, etc.  For a long time we would walk three miles to church every Sunday; she was an active member of the choir and we all attended Sunday school.  I remember only two times that a family from church gave us a ride.  Yep, only two times were a single mom and her two young girls, both under the age of 10, offered help from the church members they saw on the weekly.
I'm actually more upset about that now than I was then. 
There was a six month period my mom wasn't able to do much of anything because she broke her leg falling down stairs whilst helping us get on the bus in the morning.  Maybe you're thinking, "I'm sure the church helped her then."  Oh, friends, I wish I could say they did.  During the six month period the church brought us two meals.  Two meals. Needless to say when she recovered we no longer walked the three miles to church.

So to quickly recap, from my mother's perspective:
my dad, who is a Christian, left my mom.
the church, that should be filled with Christians, didn't help my mom.


There were three major "episodes" that resulted in the police getting involved: when I was 13, 15, and 16.  Each one had its own repercussions and consequences that I will omit today, but again, nothing that has been untouched by God.  My sister and I moved in with our dad after the last episode and became quite distant with our mom.  It didn't take long before I gave my life to Christ and got super involved in church.  By serving I made really great friends and their families became my families, which means that their moms became my mom.

I should also mention that I have a fantastic step-mom.  She's kind, soft-spoken, peaceable, gentle, and so many other wonderful things.  But when we started living together it was a rather difficult transition from what I knew of motherly love to what she was giving.  My sister and I felt like guests for a long time, because our new environment was polar opposite of what we were used to.  However, that was more about us than it was her.  My step-mom is great and teaches me a lot about being a mother and wife.

There are two women who were the first to make me feel like a daughter and show me a healthy type of motherly love: Becky Bruner and Patti Cardwell.
Undoubtedly, these two women have had the greatest influence on me and did more mental reconstruction than I'll ever be able to describe.  The power a gentle female spirit has on the hard edges of an independent minded young lady is that of heroic proportions.  
Becky and Patti didn't love me and care for me as a daughter because of anything I did or out of pity; they love and care for me because they are mothers in the truest sense of the word.  I am forever grateful for the ferocity of their love and unreserved outpouring.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the years God has used multiple women to fill the gaps in my life and character that would otherwise be left for the world to distort.  As much as I would love to have a relationship with my biological mother, I understand that to pursue it would be unwise.  Here's the thing, friends.  My mom and I don't talk.  She doesn't bring out any good qualities in me and is still unpredictable in temperament.   The relationship we would have, if any, would be unhealthy and pursuing unhealthy relationships of any type is unwise.  But the Lord has been very sweet about helping me see it from her end and filling me with compassion.

Again, to recap, from my mother's perspective:
my dad, who is a Christian, left my mom.
the church, that should be filled with Christians, didn't help my mom.
I, a Christian, no longer talk to my mom.

Of course she hates Christians; they've been hurting her her whole life.
It took me years to understand why my mom hates God, so I want to help you get the picture more quickly.
Perhaps there's some in your life you just can't reach and you don't understand why.
Try looking at it through their life experiences...there's usually more to the story of anger, distrust, and resistance.


A good woman once told me that I need to learn how to love my mom from afar.  Yes, I still love her.  As I get older and learn more about the world and adulthood I love her more and grow in gratitude for her sacrifices.
Yes, she hit us and said awful things, but she also got us to every marching band practice, left me notes every day in my lunch box, taught me about independence, put food on the table, took us to the doctor when we were sick, and much more. 
I believe she did her best; she did what she thought was best.  There are some things I'll never understand, but I don't have to.  Forgiveness breaks chains, friends.  Forgiveness really does bring freedom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So when Mother's Day rolls around and people post wonderful things about their mom and sweet photos, I'm not filled with anger, envy, or sadness.  I hum a little to myself and say "that'd be nice" and then am overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness when I think of all the women God has allowed me to glean from.
I am not the product of one woman.
I am a child of God covered in the residue of a village of women.

It's never a waste to spend time with young people; you just may be filling a gap no one knows exists.
Notice people in church.  Listen to what they aren't saying.
Is there a single mom saying her feet are tired? Ask her why!
For the love of God, take up her cross.  Help her carry her burden.  There just may be two young girls who need you to be kind to their mom.

At 27 years of age there are still a lot of things I don't understand about my mom and her actions, but forgiveness, intercessory prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit broke down the walls of bitterness and anger in me and continue to do work.  God will not allow voids in your life; He will fill the need, whatever or whoever that is.
Church, do your job.
And to God be the glory.
ALL the glory.

5 Jan 2016 - launch.

Dear friends,

I'm off on a new God-adventure and I don't even have to pack a suitcase! (Praise the Lamb)
This adventure has a name: The Current.
The Current is an idea the Lord dropped in my spirit a few months ago.  There has been a lot of prayer and thought about how I could be spreading God's love and be an encouragement while waiting for the right ministry opportunity to open up.  Also, I didn't want to be a year out of Bible college and think "I used to preach" or "I used to know how to write a sermon," etc.  I want to keep improving my skills and doing what I can to edify and build the Church. Starting a vlog is a great way to accomplish both of those...and so much more!

The scary bit is when I think about myself: I'm opening myself up to critique.  I'm awkward in front of a camera.
Where does humility factor in?  Are my motives pure?  What if I don't have time to write, record, and edit?
So many questions and reservations could keep me from actually starting The Current, but if I gave in to those doubts then I'd be a coward.  Cass Langton, global creative pastor of Hillsong Church, once said "don't let fear silence you." That runs through my mind constantly; we can't let fear silence us. That's exactly what the enemy would love.
But not this chick.

What gets me pumped is thinking of all the God-potential of The Current.  Any time we speak the Word of God or His name, there's power.  Things have to change.  If we get a chance to encourage others or tell of God's love, grace, mercy, etc., do it! Afterall, "faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (James 2:17)

I know preparation is a massive part of any ministry, but as the launch has been getting closer I've been learning more and more about what that means; since God dropped the idea in my spirit there's been a lot of writing, praying, filming, editing, learning, and so many more things that go in to a vlog and trusting I heard the Lord. 
So much more than I imagined, but God's been kind in bringing encouragement and assurance in ways only He could.

Thank you to everyone who has helped with any editing, filming, all things technology related, words of encouragement, and prayer! The goal is to have a new episode every week.  I know I have a lot to learn, but I also believe things will get better with each episode.  I welcome constructive conversations :) and of course all forms of encouragement.
I've resolved that whether I get 13 views or 1300, I will count this venture as a success if even one person is encouraged and is spurred to know the Lord better.  It's not about chasing a lifestyle; it's about the ministry.

Here's to the new year and new adventure!
Click here to view the first episode of The Current.
Stay connected on Instagram @thecurrent_757

Trolls & Trails.

OSLO

Upon arriving at the train station I was greeted by an old friend, Andreas.  Andreas and I went to high school together  before he and his family moved back to Norway.  When I saw him at the station it was the first time we had seen each other in ten years!! so naturally I walked right by him :)  It only took a few minutes for us to find each other and then we were off to his place.

I got to meet his girlfriend (who is the nicest person! I really enjoyed talking with her) and his precious baby, Nicoline, before he took me for a spin in his Tesla.  

The car was pretty sweet even for someone who doesn't really car about cars, but it was really cool to see some of the local "sights".  We drove to the Christmas House which is basically a shop that looks like Santa's Workshop! Andreas took me to the ski jump they used in the 1952 Olympics.  I've been to the one in Bavaria but it always amazes/terrifies me how high the jump is.  As we were leaving we noticed a person practicing on the "smaller" jump just below the olympic one.  So I got to watch as the skier jumped and sailed literally five feet from my face.

It was incredible!!!  

I honestly have no idea how they do it!

Not me.

Nobel Peace Prize museum

The next day I spent in the city exploring before meeting up with Andreas and his family.  I went to the Nobel Peace museum, which was really cool.  There's a room lined with blue lights and tablets with the faces of Peace prize winners on the screen.  When you tap the tablet it tells you about the winner and a quote.  Very cool.  I saw City Hall, the opera house, the harbour, the fortress (which inspired the Arendale castle in Frozen), and a few other little shops.  

view of the fjord from the fortress

harbour at sunset

When we all met up we went to the Viking Ship museum.  It's wild to me that some of these ships voyaged so long, so far, and so ferociously but are a fraction of the size and quality we use nowadays.  

I mean, think about it: we're still talking about the power of the vikings, but their mode of transportation was basically a sturdy canoe. 

These guys on a boat. 

Wild.

From there we went to the Holocaust Museum; it was one of the best ones I've been to.  The museum is in Norwegian, but I was able to take a free audio tour and tablet that translated most of the exhibits.  I really enjoyed the museum.  It was different than the other ones I've been to, because the whole place flowed in the order of a timeline.  Interesting, informative and easy-to-follow. Loved it.

Following that we had a brief visit (it closed 6 minutes after I walked in) to the Kon-Tiki museum, which I had never heard of before, but was really cool.  The Kon-Tiki was a raft that sailed from South America to the Polynesian Islands chartered by Norwegian zoological researcher Thor Heyerdahl. We watched the movie that night; really entertaining and an all around good story.

We finished the day with a stroll around Vigelandsparken.  It's the world's largest sculpture park made by a single artist and has over 200 statues...all of which I'm pretty sure are nude.  I want to do a little more research on the park's namesake, Gustav Vigeland, to find out how he got all the land and what his fascination was with naked people.  The most famous sculpture is "The Angry Child",  but again, out of all the statues I'm not sure what set this one apart.  The part was beautiful and I can only imagine how much more beautiful it would be when everything is in bloom! Andreas said they have concerts and events out there which seemed like it would be fun.

My time in Oslo was short, but enjoyable.  I didn't find it as romantic as Copenhagen, but it was nice. From there I traveled via train to Bergen.

The train ride from Oslo to Bergen is one you'll read about on most blogs and travel sites.  Now having done the trip, I totally get it.  It was one of the most picturesque views ever.  During the 7 hour journey there were moments I was terrified I might actually freeze if Bergen had even a fraction of the snow I saw.

Easily three or four feet of snow and zero degrees Celcius. Easy.  Which is normal if you're from that part of the world, but for this Virginian girl, that's a doozy of a winter.

The video clip is only a few moments of the journey, but it's a good representation of the whole.

My friend Maria, who I met while she was studying in Oz, lives in Bergen and was sweet enough to host me for the two nights I was there.  Bergen is surrounded by 7 mountains which makes for great hiking when the weather is right.  And the weather was perfect!

We went hiking up one of the mountains and had the best chat! It was a nice change of pace from visiting museums and reading maps.  After our descent from the mountain we visited the old leper colony/hospital.  It wasn't open, but we were able to look through the windows.  I really appreciated how there were new buildings around the colony, but the city decided to leave it as a landmark.  A lot of places are constantly updating and changing out the old for the new.  Europe is full of historic buildings which serve as a reminder to future generations of the past.  As nice as "amenities" can be, I do love the charm of an old building.  Maria took me to a strip on the harbour called Bryggen.  The buildings are super old, to be technical about it :)  If you look up you can actually see that the buildings are slanted. Pretty cool.

Hiking, walking around the city and lots of girl talk is good for the soul.  The physical activity was nice, but spending time with Maria was the real treat! 

One day when I'm more adequately prepared for the frigid temperatures I'd like to go further up in Northern Norway and go dogsledding, see the Norther lights and stay in an igloo.  But I'll need at least 12 more layers before that happens!

Hygge in Denmark

7 countries.
10 flights.
1 train ride.
50+ hours of travel.
4 time zones.
21 days.
1 trip of a lifetime!


I've just gotten back from a 3 week trip around the world...sort of.  I flew around the world, but stopped in only a handful of countries.
Still cool.
The initial reason for the trip was to be back in Sydney for my graduation ceremony from Hillsong International Leadership College (HILC).  Because I love adventure I decided to also go somewhere new, so I visited Norway, Sweden, and Denmark.  The posts will be split up: one for each country.  I'll highlight my favourite things and include small bits of travel tips and info without sounding like a cheesy AAA brochure.


First stop, Denmark.

I LOVE COPENHAGEN!!!

Tivoli

My sweet friend, HILC alum, and host, Nicole.

I'm a fan of all things Christmas (lights, music, movies, parades, decorations, etc) and apparently so is Copenhagen.  It was beautiful and so decorated!  Tivoli, which is a carnival-like place themed according to season had just opened for Christmas and was spectacular.  There were lots of little markets, rides, a water show and Christmas lights galore.  One of the coolest things was one of the shops was making candy on site! Tivoli was pretty special but what made it even better was being able to share it with sweet friends.  That's actually what made the entire trip in every location better, sharing it with friends.  So even though I was traveling alone, I wasn't really alone.

The Little Mermaid

Anyone who has known me for half an hour knows I'm a believer in all things Disney.  So when I heard about "The Little Mermaid" statue I knew I had to find her.  The Little Mermaid is a statue by Edvard Eriksen.  He was inspired by H.C. Andersen's fairy tale (another famous Dane) and fashioned it after his wife.  The Mermaid has been decapitated twice, vandalised by radical feminist, and quite a few other memorable events.  You can read more about her interesting story by clicking on the headline.  As one of CPH's most famous tourist attractions it is almost impossible to get a photo without dozens of other tourists...but I did it!! 

Just another reason to wake up for the sunrise: no one will be in your photos :)

 

After I spent some time with the Little Mermaid I rode my bike back to Nyhavn, which is the popular strip of colourful buildings that are oh-so-picturesque.  Around that time in the morning it was still pretty quiet and only a handful of people were outside.  Nyhavn has such a lovely charm about it.  No. 9 is the oldest house in the area dating back to 1681 and hasn't been altered since.  Many of the houses of Nyhavn have been the homes of prominent artists including Hans Christian Andersen in No. 20.  It's a sweet little area lined with boats and cafes best seen via canal boat tour!

Other Copenhagen activities included Guinness World Record museum (heaps of fun), German Christmas Markets, Hans Christian Andersen museum (great for those who love stories), Amalienborg Palace where the Danish royal family lives, and some fun window shopping Stroget, the largest pedestrian shopping street in Europe. 

Amalienborg Palace

    voted best hot dog stand in Europe

            and I do love hot dogs!

 

World Record Museum- tallest man

I could have spent another few days in Copenhagen; its charm is so captivating!  My last stop before leaving Denmark was church at Hillsong CPH. I was able to catch up with some other HILC alum which was a sweet way to end my time in Denmark!

Overall Denmark was my favourite! The Danes have a word for the cozy feeling you get when there's lots of candles, warmth and friendship.  The word is "hygge" and it's a very real feeling. Also, as a group, Danish men were the best looking out of the 3 countries ;)
As you'll read on pretty much every website, the Scandinavian area is pretty expensive, but it can be done well on a budget.  I'd recommend the Copenhagen Card if you'll be there for more than a day.  The card got me in to every museum I wanted to visit, included a boat tour and all public transportation.  Well worth the krone!
Denmark was a dream.

Next stop, Norway!

True Humility.

"True humility is when a person realizes they don’t need to talk up their life, 

because they’re actually living it."

-Debra Fileta

In a world of "mine is better than yours", gossip, and easy offense I am reminded that all of those are ways a life discontented tries to medicate itself.  

There is no sustaining self-satisfaction; there is a peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7) and allows us to live in true humility, living a life of abundance (Jn 10:10).

My life has been full...very full as of late.  In the best way possible.  Being active in the Kingdom of God isn't about "down time" or "taking it easy"; it's about getting things done. And as exciting as it has been it's about to get even crazier.

I leave for Sweden tomorrow.

and then Denmark.

and then Norway.

and then Sydney.

Friends, I don't mind telling you that to me packing is torture.  Especially this trip since I'll be flying into winter (or in my mind I'm calling it "super-winter") and then to summer.  A bipolar suitcase indeed. But it will get done. And something will be forgotten. I'm sure of it.

Please pray for travel mercies; airports are one of the few things that stress me out upon contact. 

Here's to living life, from sea to viking sea :)

"...even dragons have their endings."

"So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings." 

J.R.R. Tolkien 

The Hobbit

To say this last week was rough is an understatement.  In the past five days (so really not even a full week) I've had my character questioned, an event proposal turned down, didn't get the job I interviewed for, and had my heart broken.
It has been the worst week of my life.

After "losing" the job, which was an incredible opportunity at a health growing church, I could start to feel myself slip into depression.  I've never been depressed before, but I knew that's what it was.  The news came late Monday night and my thoughts went wild: "you should have stayed for third year.  Then you wouldn't have gone through this", "you're back to no prospects. You'll live with your parents forever", "you aren't good enough", "you did this wrong", "you did that wrong", etc.  It was awful. And I started to rationalise my depressed state, like it would have been totally understandable to everyone why I was so upset and since I've never been through anything like that it would have been "excused." I was going to let myself slip into depression.
But the next morning I woke up, went for a walk and decided differently.  As I was walking I was praying myself out of that victim mentality, completely saturating myself in Scripture.  I refused to go down without a fight; and fight I did. Victory came via God's Word and His Spirit.

Then on Wednesday, I decided to ask a man on a date.
And he said no.
There's a backstory that doesn't need retelling, but I was crushed.  Heartbroken. And some of you may be thinking "well at least he was honest", yes, I'm grateful. But it still sucked because I was hopeful...and in love. So it just sucked.
I cried the rest of Wednesday night, and Thursday was spent in bed either crying, staring into space, or asleep, and I just couldn't eat anything.   Unlike the day after the news about the job, this time I couldn't even pray; every time I opened my mouth I would start to cry. Every time.
I was devastated and felt depression rearing its ugly head.  I was so mentally exhausted I couldn't even stop my thoughts from going crazy.  This whole new level of disappointment made it even easier to excuse my inevitable comatose state.  I couldn't find the energy to get up out of bed much less declare war on Satan's attacks!

And then today. Friday.
I have been nothing short of astonished at the turn around I've had.  It was a major win when I was able to get out of bed this morning, eat breakfast and make it to my eye appointment without crying.  That was victory!  And then because it was the perfect summer day in October I went to the beach, which is always a good decision.  Then after the beach I made a new friend at the local Starbucks AND my softball team won both games.

Coach's daughter gave me this note during the game.
A message from the LORD? I think so.

Friday has been tearless and full of joy.  Which is wild to even comprehend considering where I was less than 24 hours ago.  Yes, I've had to switch the radio station a few times to avoid emotional (mostly country) songs and there's definitely been mental defence in play.
But it has been tearless.
Let me tell you how I think this happened:

"...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor ruler, nor things present nor things to come, not powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:37-39

Friends, to put it simply, I am sure that it is God's love for me that rescued me out of the depths of depression.  God tells us in Isaiah that His Word will not return void, it will accomplish what He desires (55:11) and He desires good good things for us.  The best, really.  That's why He sent Jesus.  Jesus is Heaven's best.  And I firmly believe that because I've been reading my Bible and getting Scripture in my heart His Word is in me.  

I will not return void.  

I will accomplish what He desires.

"Little children (believers, dear ones), you are of God and you belong to Him and have [already] overcome them [the agents of the antichrist]; because He who is in you is great than he (Satan) who is in the world."

1 John 4:4 (AMP)

I'm not foolish enough to believe there won't be work to do in the coming days and weeks, but I am child-like enough to believe that God has done a complete miracle in me!  

I had never seen darkness like I did on Thursday. I never thought I could feel so defeated.  But there I was, after so much disappointment in such a short period of time, I was defeated.

And for a small moment I thought "OK. Satan got me. Now he'll take a break."

YEAH RIGHT!! 

If we fool ourselves into thinking Satan just wants to win a battle here and there then we have indeed fooled ourselves.  Satan is on a seek-and-destroy mission all the time!  Taking me out was not going to satiate him.  My advice for all of us when we go through these times that bring us to the point of giving up: we ain't got time for that.  Take some time to mourn and rally those prayer warriors around you (to whom I contribute a large part of my recovery), but keep it moving.

Pastor Bobbie says, "keep your face to the wind." Or as our good friend Zac Efron would say, "Get'cha head in the game".  

I'm honestly just astonished at the healing power of Christ and couldn't keep my gratitude or excitement to myself.  My prayer is that you would be some kind of encouraged by the revelation from my worst week ever and that your experiences would lead you into a deeper love of Christ.  God doesn't save His grace and healing for massive events; He is willing and able to intervene on our behalf anytime we call His name.  Demons run and flee at His name ("The Great I AM") so claim it, friend.  Claim it.  Even when your words fail you your heart will cry out.

Be encouraged.