Passion 2013

Praise Him from whom all blessings flow!

Passion 2013 could not have been any better. The Holy Spirit was alive and at work in new and consuming ways; I feel so lifted!

There's been a lot of change in my life this new year already: new car, breaking up with old friends, eating meat again, etc. But I know with confidence that the Lord has so much more planned for the rest of 2013 and for the first time in a long long time, I have great expectations!

I'm excited for this year and all I know Jesus has waiting for me. There are major changes I am aware are going to happen, like moving to Australia and turning 25, but the changes I don't even know about also excite me.

If the Lord is doing it, I'm excited about it. 
Whatever that means. 
Whatever that means.

Today, I went through my notes from the conference and made a "recap" page: a page where I noted a takeaway from each speaker. It felt sooooooo good to relive each session and what I learned.  There's just too much goodness and I didn't want it to get lost in the huge overhead of what the Spirit did in me while in Atlanta.

Not only did I learn during the conference from the speakers and community groups, but I learned a lot from/about the people with whom I travelled and did life with for the week.  The group was as follows: Eric O, Melissa, Katie, Emily T, Crystal, Justin, Geoff Geoff, Dan, Sam-a-lama, Aaron W, Noel G, Ally, and Blake. 
Great group! Beyond great, actually! 
Spend that much time with that many people in one car and you learn a few things about yourself. I learned so much about them, too: their hearts, spirits, what makes them laugh, what makes us all cringe, etc.  What a gift! 
On the way home a few of us just simply talked about what we got out of the trip and what God was doing in our hearts/lives.  It was such a great time to openly discuss the Lord and His works. I am overcome with the beauty of my Lord and Savior.

Sweet Jesus,

my prayer is that you never leave me. Holy Spirit, keep this joy and spirit of gladness in my soul, let it not grow weary or weaken. praise you for being the one true Freedom Fighter. You are good, Lord. You are my Rescuer and the soother of my pain. I trust in You and your promises. remind me of this week when I feel overwhelmed or am giving in to Satan's imitations. keep the light bright in my eyes and my spirit. ooze onto others. do Your work in and through me.

praise you for all you've done and continue to do.

Your will be done, Lord, for only You know.

Amen.

Rockin' Around.

Tis the season for Christmas music (as if there isn't a time for that), frantic shopping, terrible gift wrapping, tacky sweaters, and a whole holiday heap of parties.

I LOVE THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!

Completely unimportant (but fun) things:

• just reserved the hotel for the One Direction concert in June
• after 5 years, I will be eating my first meat product on January 3rd: a delicious Chik-fil-A sandwich
• Passion 2013 starts soon
• Australia...July 12. Still in "excited" mode.

I just can't get enough Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, *NSYNC, Frankie, Michael Buble, etc, etc.  The weather has been rather warm, but it seems the wind is about to shift.

Things have gotten better with Sissy; I think she wanted to feel heard.  

Through much discord in current life I'm discovering that I'm not actually who I want to be.

Heavy, right?

Not something I would have expected to come up, but here it is...

My high school girlfriends and I are currently wading through the very rough current of built-up frustration and dishonesty: ne'er a good combination.

Honestly, I just feel attacked and betrayed. It's not that people are saying negative and hurtful things about me. It's that friends are saying hurtful and negative things behind my back.  I suppose a little bit of it is that there are bad things to say about me when I try to be kind, honest, genuine, fair, and Christ-like.  There's just a little bit more of the world in me than I would have thought or care to have. And I don't want that.

What do I want?

I want people to look at me and see the fruit of the Spirit. 

To be Christ-like in every moment. 

Speak peace, spread joy, show kindness, live in love, and to be genuine.

I start meeting with a woman next year :) to work on some underlying issues. And my small group is starting a book called "The Cure" by John Lynch which I've heard great things about.

So here's hoping 2013 is a year of progress towards the woman God created me to be and the life he has me to life.

It is official.

I am moving to Australia in July.
sent in my deposit last week;
Hillsong Leadership College in Sydeny, here I come!

Decision 2012

Much more than just politics, we're talking about the future.

I voted! 

It felt very rewarding to exercise my American right to vote.
The women of the 1920s would feel justified in knowing their struggle has not been dismissed.
I was surprised by how many people simply decided to not vote. The most prominent argument was said person did not want to "waste" a vote due to his/her own lack of information.
ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?
Consider your vote wasted. And shame on you for resigning to ignorance on issues that will affect you, and in a big way!
But alas, Obama was re-elected and I am much more distraught about it this round than the last.  Jesus is King. Period.
Republican majority. Democratic majority. It doesn't matter.
Jesus is King. Now and forever.

Another decision of 2012: Hillsong.
I'm going to continue pursuing this path.
When I was talking with the girls last night about my lack luster pursuit, the Spirit opened my eyes to see that I was fearful of this being taken away.  Everything else I've pursued (nannying in Europe, teaching in Germany, YL abroad, etc) has been stopped short, wayyyyyyy short of completion.  I know that means it was God's will. And that's what I want in my life.
But I guess I just feel like this awesome opportunity is so awesome and I'm so excited about it that it will be taken away from me and I'll be stuck in Suffolk even longer.
Which is weird that I even think like that;
I know and trust in God's goodness.
I know He loves me and only wants the best for me.
I know He only has good for me.
And yet I think he'll take awesome things away from me?!
That doesn't line up at all.
So in faith that He will either keep Hillsong as a desire in my heart and take me to Australia, or change my desire and stop this.
Either way, I do not doubt His love for me.

Best subject line ever.

That would be the e-mail I received today.
HOW EXCITING!!!! and yet, I'm slightly anxious.
It's just surreal that I am one step closer to moving very, very far away.
Exciting and surreal.

So, now I just keep praying.


And saving money :)

Fraudulent Charges.

Yesterday, I officially applied to Hillsong Leadership College.
Officially.
And then about 2 hours later BB&T called me about "possible fraudulent charges".  
I appreciate your awareness, BB&T. Thanks.

So let the discouragement begin...at least that's what it feels like.  
I know it's going to be a financial burden. It's college; it's expensive. But praise the Lord that I have my half of tuition in savings.  Estimated living costs in Australia are about $350 (AUD) per week.
PER WEEK?!
Yup.
I don't even make that in 2 weeks at Starbucks!
But I trust that this is what the Lord has put on my heart, so I've just got to be better with my money. Which means no shopping for myself for a while, getting crafty for Christmas, trying to drive less, and pick up some extra jobs. And maybe I can find some scholarships or sponsorship...with boldness.
If this is where He wants me, He'll provide.
I know that.
I trust that with confidence.
So we'll wait and see what happens next.

Last night was The Unhappy Hour at the Edgar Allen Poe museum in Richmond.

Poe Museum

Crystal and I went together. I just love her!
She's so much fun and such a gift to me :)

The weather was perfect, the parking was crazy, and the band was terrible. 
But we still had a great time! 
Jamie read "The Masque of the Red Death" and honestly it was boring and poorly read.  So after complaining to a few of the museum workers, Jamie performed "The Tell Tale Heart", like he did last year which was the main lure for returning this year, and it was wonderful! He does such a good job at...being creepy. Which sounds awful, but that's what makes the performance so worth while!
It was just really great to get out of the area. I love the 757, but sometimes it can feel so small.
I'm too young to have that "settled" feeling; especially without being settled!

Jesus,
I know You're doing great things; that's what You're about. What a romantic characteristic :)  There's peace in my spirit knowing you're in control, but these worldly concerns are robbing me of joy. The thief is coming to destroy (John 10:10). I refuse to be a victim.
Continue to fuel this journey. Put your Spirit of peace in knowing whether or not to keep pursing Hillsong.
Provide financially from sources unexpected. And if I need boldness to ask for help, infuse me with that.
I trust You, Jesus.
I trust You.
I trust You.
Your will be done.

She don't got a lot to say.

The next week is fixin' to be pretty brilliant.
Tonight is our Halloween Party and I'm super excited! I'm mentally preparing myself to start getting things ready.

To where I think the Lord is leading me: Australia.
Weird, right?
Sarah and I put Australia on the "do not visit" list due to rumors of vicious kangaroos and the impending death known as sharks. But over the past few months I've been working on knowing God' Word better.
I know I love Jesus more than anything, but I'm not confident in my knowledge of the Bible. And I want to be!
If I know nothing else, I know I want more of Him.
So I've been researching Bible colleges, locally and not-so-locally. Which is how I got to Australia: Hillsong International Leadership College.  Their values and beliefs align with what I believe, the church is similar in size to Shores which is something I was hoping to find. So after a few emails with the admissions people, prayer, and some financial research, I've decided to keep pursing this possibility.  I'm still praying through the whole thing, but whilst working on my application.

It's just been so long since I've really made a new friend: someone who doesn't know anyone in my family, is from a different place, and is over the age of 20. That's what I love! I love meeting new people. I love discovering things about them. I love making memories and I love adventure. It's not always easy and it definitely gets lonely, but in those moments I discover new things about my heart.  One of the moments when I was closest with God was the first month in Austria.

The only person I could consistently run to and without judgement was, and very much still is, Jesus.  It was great. There's no reason I can't have that kind of proximity in everyday life, but something about being forced out of comfortable areas really reminds me of how "made to be with Him" I am.
So we'll see where this goes.